Matt's Top 5 Halloween 'Don'ts'

1. Don’t be a dog, don’t be a cat. Don’t be a pet as a matter of fact.

2. Don’t go walking the streets with anything on a leash, or you’ll be giving illegal Haitians a reason to feast.

3. Don’t have sex in the back of your car or some left winged psychopath will shoot you from afar.

4. Don’t go home with strange men right after you blew them in a glory hole stall.

5. Don’t do these things to start, but you can always kill yourself before the Haitians harvest your parts.

** Disclaimer: Follow at your own risk.